Toxic relationships — what is it, the main signs manifest themselves in different relationships, useful books
Recently, the term “toxic relationships” has been on the buzz and reflects the lives of many people. They negatively affect personal development, interaction with society and various aspects of life. It is worth understanding this topic in more detail, so as not to fall into such a trap yourself.
What is a toxic relationship?
To begin with, it is worth understanding the terminology, for example, toxic relationships are understood as an interaction that brings psychological discomfort and causes moral exhaustion. A poisonous union is unproductive because it destroys the personality. It is worth noting that a toxic person can behave both intentionally and unconsciously.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
To determine if a relationship is toxic, you need to try to look at it from the outside in order to notice some signs:
- Feeling tired after talking. If you had to communicate with a toxic person, then often you want to end the dialogue as soon as possible, and after that you feel a tremendous loss of energy.
- Lack of trust. Destructive relationships cause distrust of the partner, jealousy.
- stealth. In toxic relationships, partners hush up their negative emotions, cheat, and so on.
- Manipulation. This sign in a toxic relationship is difficult to identify because the victim is often unaware that they are being manipulated.
- sacrifice. One of the partners in a destructive relationship is dependent, therefore sacrificing his desires, interests and other aspects of life.
- Feeling of fear. If a person is afraid of how a partner will react to his behavior, deed or words, then this is a clear sign of a toxic relationship.
- Contempt. Such an attitude can be both on one side and on both sides. Disrespect leads to quarrels, humiliation and so on.
Toxic relationship with husband
Statistics indicate that a huge number of women are in a relationship with a toxic man. It is often not possible to recognize the problem at an early stage, which increases attachment and negative consequences. A toxic relationship with a man can be identified by the following signs:
- A toxic partner is an insecure egoist. For him, his own comfort is important. He demands attention and does not respect the woman.
- A toxic family relationship with a destructive man is built on intimidation and coercion. Often he uses blackmail.
- A man wants to completely control a woman so that she does not have any personal life.
- A toxic husband is great at taking advantage of psychological and emotional pressure.
Toxic relationship with a woman
Among the fair sex, you can meet «dangerous» ladies who can suppress any man. There are signs of how to understand a toxic relationship with a woman:
- The lady likes to go from one extreme to another in order to cope with her own doubts, she often torments her partner.
- A toxic woman likes to be a victim in order to evoke pity and compassion from those around her. She is an excellent manipulator who skillfully controls feelings.
- A woman in a toxic relationship often cheats, and she does it consciously. If she was caught lying, then she immediately switches to the image of the victim.
- Signs of toxic women include materialism, greed and selfishness.
Toxic relationship with parents
The father and mother, who are destructive, form complexes in their children, feelings of inferiority, and so on. As a result, a person grows up who finds it difficult to be happy and live normally. A toxic relationship with a mother or father manifests itself as follows:
- To manipulate the child, parents prefer to use the tactics of «resentment», causing the child to feel guilty.
- Adults like to blame their problems and failures on the child, for example, reproaching him for the fact that life did not work out.
- Toxic relationships in the family are expressed in the constant control of the life of a daughter or son.
- Poisonous parents regularly humiliate their child, lowering his self-esteem. They rarely or even never express love.
Toxic relationship with sister
Relationships with a sister can be toxic, which cause the development of complexes and other problems. When figuring out what a toxic relationship with a sister is, it is worth noting the following signs:
- Jealousy for the sister manifests itself too brightly. This is especially evident when communicating with parents, when there is an opinion that one gets everything and the other nothing.
- A toxic sister will humiliate and “pressure” her victim relative. This can happen both in private and in front of other people.
- A constant companion of such relationships is criticism, which can concern everything, for example, a poorly washed plate, not thrown garbage, appearance, social circle, and so on.
Toxic relationships at work
Many have experienced toxic relationships in the team. Special problems arise if the leader is poisonous. In most cases, toxic relationships at work are formed with those who experience setbacks and problems in their personal lives and other areas. Signs that point to them include:
- They spread gossip about colleagues and often make nasty jokes in their presence.
- They like to criticize, starting with the appearance, the state of the desktop and ending with the nuances of work.
- A toxic leader likes to set high demands on work, while reducing the success of subordinates.
- Poisonous colleagues can even openly appropriate someone else’s idea, putting themselves in the best light.
Types of toxic relationships
If you watch a toxic relationship from the side, you can highlight some distinctive features. Thanks to them, you can make some classification:
- Neurotic relationships based on negativity. The most common option, which is accompanied by regular complaints, deceit, humiliation, and so on. All this drains the soul and emotions.
- Relationships with cheating. Explicit neglect of a partner is infidelity in a relationship. There are women and men who know about the betrayals of a loved one, but continue to endure and live in torment.
- Zealous relationship. Control over a partner is a common phenomenon. It is very difficult to live, afraid to get for some of your words, thoughts and actions.
- Relationships with constant accusations. How easy it is to live when you can blame another person for all your failures. This is a traumatic weapon that brings great pain.
- demanding relationship. In such a toxic relationship, the partner demands and expects a lot, which brings discomfort and irritation.
- manipulative relationship. Many use manipulation in their lives, but in some ways they are used too often that the partner loses his personality.
How to fix a toxic relationship?
If you do not want to lose a person, then you can try to fix everything. Describing how it is a toxic relationship, it is worth giving these tips:
- Be prepared to leave, as this means that self-esteem has not yet been completely destroyed.
- Identify the main issues, such as criticism, attacks, demands or accusations. Try to notice them in life and analyze the reasons that provoke troubles in order to avoid them.
- Do not be afraid to talk about what you don’t like, what you want, otherwise you won’t be able to get rid of the tension in the relationship.
- Trust yourself, do not doubt your own feelings and judgments. The task is to become a full-fledged participant in the relationship.
- If the situation is serious, then you need to contact a psychologist who will help build relationships. Ideally, if you can go to a specialist as a couple.
How to get out of a toxic relationship?
Ending a destructive relationship is extremely difficult, especially when it comes to the victim. Often this happens with the help of others. There are effective tips on how to get out of toxic relationships with a man, woman, parents, and so on:
- You need to look at the relationship from the outside and evaluate what is happening. For example, you can make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of what is happening.
- Think about your own desires. Toxic relationships are self-esteem killing. You need to learn to analyze yourself, understand your desires and follow them.
- During a destructive relationship, a person loses a lot, for example, work, friends, and so on. It is necessary to evaluate all this and understand that the situation needs to be changed immediately.
- It is important to understand that a toxic person will not change, no chance will save the relationship, and everything will only get worse.
- You should regularly work on self-esteem: take care of your appearance, find a hobby for yourself, reconnect with friends, and so on.
- It is necessary to prepare and with a full decision to end a toxic relationship. The main thing is to say it calmly, without scandal and try to part without negativity.
How to stop being a toxic person in a relationship?
If a person realizes that he is «dangerous» for loved ones, this is already a huge step towards correction. Here are some effective tips on how to stop being toxic:
- Take responsibility for your actions. We need to learn to take responsibility for mistakes and failures ourselves, and not to shift the blame on others. Learn to apologize for hurting others. Stepping over your ego is an important step towards getting rid of toxicity.
- Review your values. Getting out of a toxic relationship is life changing. Deception, disrespect, pride — all this should remain in the past. Find new values for yourself, and apply them in relationships with loved ones.
- Learn to hear others. A toxic person is used to living only his desires and not perceiving what others say. You need to break this rule and listen to others.
- Give support. In a couple, there cannot be something in one direction, so you need to not only receive, but also give. Support is the foundation of a happy relationship, so give it to your loved ones.
- Think what you say, and only then do. Many people do not understand that their words can greatly hurt and offend another person. Do not get excited and draw sudden conclusions, it is better to take a break and then only draw a conclusion or say something.
- Don’t take everything for granted. Many toxic people are sure that someone constantly attacks them, wants to harm them, and so on. In fact, in most cases it is far-fetched. Trust and love your partner.
Consequences of a toxic relationship
If you do not end up with a toxic relationship, then serious consequences can arise:
- Destruction of self-esteem. People who are in destructive relationships often become victims of humiliation, so their self-esteem is always low.
- Loss of «I». Getting out of a toxic relationship with a man is simply necessary so as not to lose yourself. The victim is suppressed, and she forgets about her desires, plans, and so on. Its main goal is to satisfy the partner, and self-realization is put aside.
- Mental disorders. With long-term destructive relationships, mental problems begin to arise, for example, neurosis, panic attacks, depression, and so on. All this is associated with emotional stress and constant stress.
How to recover from a toxic relationship?
The main goal of a person who has experienced a toxic relationship is to regain their peace of mind and cope with emotional pain. Here are some tips on how to get over a toxic relationship:
- Start by accepting the support and care of loved ones.
- Completely exclude contacts with the abuser, no meetings, calls, correspondence, and so on.
- Self-healing after a toxic relationship involves mental balance, which can be helped by meditation, exercise, and hobbies.
- Keep a diary where you write down your feelings, thoughts, which will help you speak out and get rid of mental burden.
- If it is very difficult to recover from a toxic union, then you should consult a psychologist.
Books about toxic relationships
There is a lot of useful literature on this topic, for example, the following works can be distinguished:
- «Bad Parents» K.Bak, S.Forward. The authors explain in an accessible language that toxic relationships are very dangerous in the relationship between parents and children.
- «How to Break Free from a Toxic Relationship and Not Become a Victim» D.Mackenzie. The book talks about the causes of toxic relationships, and gives advice on how to get out of them.
- «Survive by any means» R.D. Haer, P. Babyak. The book will help you to easily identify toxic people at work and to exist normally in their society.