Unrequited love — stages, how to survive and avoid, books on this topic
The Bible says that God created all living things by the power of love. This is a feeling that many want to experience. With the help of her energy, lovers are able to work miracles. She calls for a feat for the sake of the second half. In parallel with this, there is such a thing as unrequited love. It is considered grief, but there is always a choice of how to live with it.
What is unrequited love?
This is the absence on the part of one person of a mutual emotional-sensory response of the soul to the attraction, sympathy and deep affection of another. Unrequited love is like the action of identical poles of magnets. No matter how hard you put in, they will never get close to each other. The plot of unrequited love is very often described in literature and shown in films. Such dramaturgy gives guaranteed success. An unfortunate lover will surely arouse compassion, and his soulless opponent will be condemned, because no one wants to experience this feeling.
Signs of unrequited love
Assessing an unrequited love feeling, experts note that the principle of relativity is fully suitable for this characteristic. Non-reciprocal love today can become reciprocal tomorrow. Its signs can also be considered relative:
- the partner is burdened by society or indifferent to the presence of a lover;
- he has no desire to introduce his friends and relatives;
- the status of the relationship is in a «suspended» state;
- friendly relations are emphasized by all means;
- he himself does not seek and avoid closer contact between the sexes;
- when communicating, maintains a neutral behavior without manifestations of tenderness or affection.
Why does unrequited love happen?
Psychological analysis of this phenomenon helps to identify its origins. The reasons for unrequited love can be as follows:
- Low personal self-esteem. It makes it difficult to show the real essence of a person.
- Selfishness. A person focuses on personal mental pain, closing his eyes to the needs of the soul of another.
- Psychological setting of the victim. In this state, suffering subconsciously brings satisfaction.
- Lack of communication skills with the opposite sex. Pushkin described it this way: «but I, loving, was deaf and dumb.»
- Lack of common interests. This is one of the manifestations of selfishness. With a loved one is always interesting.
- Mismatch of goals in life, life principles. Unrequited love will become mutual if the one who loves is able to change his life paradigm in favor of the beloved.
What does unrequited love lead to?
In such a situation, the individual has a feeling that he is in a hopeless situation. The feeling of personal happiness is associated only with the object of love. Physically, he is nearby, but at the same time hopelessly far away in a sensual and emotional way. One-sided love can lead to the following results:
- Weak and weak-willed people morally break down. They fall into depressive states of the psyche. A person cannot work, study, or live normally. It is not uncommon for addicts to commit suicide.
- Strong, but unbalanced individuals from unrequited passion are capable of rash acts. They can even force the object of love to cohabitate. Another cardinal way out for them is to eliminate the cause of suffering through violent death.
- Strong in spirit and purposeful people make it their goal to achieve recognition, if possible. In the case when “you love, but you don’t”, and there is absolutely no chance for reciprocity, they leave the life path of a beloved person.
Benefits of unrequited love
The paradox of the situation is that it can benefit the suffering person. If an individual copes with mental pain, he will gain invaluable experience of experiencing non-reciprocal feelings. It consists of the following possibilities:
- Adjust your self-esteem. Mental shaking puts a person in his real place in life.
- Learn to feel not only yourself, but also a nearby person.
- Get rid of fantasies and illusions of possessing the ideal of love, to look realistically at things.
- Acquire the ability to pay attention to the pain and suffering of others.
- Accept the other person with their flaws, needs, wants and desires.
- To temper the soul and strengthen the spirit.
- The experience of unrequited love will give impetus to self-improvement in order to be worthy of an object of adoration.
Stages of unrequited love
Like any long-term phenomenon, this feeling arises, lives and fades according to the scenario. How long unrequited love lasts depends on the spiritual qualities of the individual. However, there are certain stages of this process:
- The moment of the feeling. The euphoria from the realization of the state of being in love brings many pleasant minutes or hours.
- The preparation phase for the recognition attempt to get reciprocity. This stage is characterized by mental anguish from the indecision to confess the feeling.
- A period of suffering due to rejected feelings. This is the longest stage if the person is weak. With a strong spirit, moaning can end quickly.
- Action stage. Having suffered, a person forgets unrequited feelings and looks for another love. If this cannot be done, one or both participants in the drama may die. Only the strongest are able to achieve reciprocity by changing themselves.
How to survive unrequited love?
Psychologists give a number of simple but effective recommendations. It is desirable to receive them at sessions of psychotherapy. If this is not possible, below are tips on how to get rid of unrequited love:
- try to be all the time in public, in the company of friends and relatives;
- it is useful to distract your attention with various affairs and interests;
- try to find positive moments in this and write them down;
- convince yourself that over time this condition will pass;
- make a real psychological portrait of the object of your love (with flaws);
- make a plan to change yourself to eliminate unrequited love and achieve reciprocity.
How to help a friend survive unrequited love?
True female friendship will help in difficult times. The very first and simple advice is to sincerely listen to your friend. Love without an answer, remaining inside a person, breaks his soul. Having spoken out, a friend will be relieved. Only at this moment it is not recommended to feel sorry for her. We can advise you to change your life: throw away old things, change your old places of walking, get rid of common acquaintances. For support, it is recommended to take a girlfriend with some joint business. Even better is to help get to know a new young man.
How to avoid unrequited love?
The main thing is not to lose heart. It should be remembered that true selfless love cannot be unrequited. To gain reciprocity, there are recommendations of the lucky ones who have achieved this:
- You need to learn to share the life of a partner: listen, hear and understand him.
- Forget that there is unrequited love. At first, you can try to become a true friend who is always ready to help.
- Find common interests, hobbies or activities.
- As often as possible, be close to the object of adoration in companies, in society. Such presence should not be intrusive.
- Become a dream man for your partner. This is achieved by changing the traits of your character.
Books about unrequited love
From the numerous list of literature, the following works from world classics are recommended for reading:
- «Gone With the Wind» M. Mitchell. This is a great example of how, over time, unrequited feelings turn into true love. The novel provides a mechanism for overcoming suffering. This is the phrase «I’ll think about it tomorrow.»
- «The Great Gatsby» F.S. Fitzgerald. The book describes how the protagonist’s pursuit of his illusory ideal of love brought him to ruin.
- «Impatience of the Heart» S. Zweig. This is an emotional story about hopeless love, a beautiful but paralyzed girl for a brilliant officer. The protagonist pitied and sympathized with the beauty, but he did not have reciprocity.
- «Eugene Onegin» A. Pushkin. The novel in verse tells how unrequited love led to tragedy and hardening of the heart. She was the cause of changes in a woman who, over the years, struck the former chosen one.
- «Garnet bracelet» A. Kuprin. A tale of unrequited love for a woman from a higher social milieu.
Movies about unrequited love
The following films vividly reveal the topic:
- “I ask you to blame Klava K for my death.”. The film shows teenage love in one gate, which almost led to suicide.
- «Best Friend’s Wedding». Comedy in a light form talks about how to achieve reciprocity.
- «Afonya». The film has two storylines about unrequited feelings. One is the love of a modest nurse for the main character, a cynical plumber. The second shows the character’s love for a beautiful client who is in a different social stratum of society.
- «Removal Rules: The Hitch Method». Having experienced unrequited love, the main character developed a system to help men win the hand and heart of their chosen ones.