What is flirting — why is it needed, signs in women and men, how to flirt correctly?
Relationships between people can have a whole range of sensual shades. Almost every person knows what flirting is, and many have even used this method of communication more than once with a person they like. For some, this is given by nature, while others learn the art of coquetry according to very specific recommendations.
Flirt — what is it?
By nature, men and women are arranged in such a way that sympathy arises between separate individuals. When she appears, people tend to flirt. That is, to use a manner of communication in which they can attract each other’s attention and arouse mutual interest and sexual desire. Initially, this concept meant the ability to present flowers in France. That is, flirting is the initial stage of courtship, which includes a set of verbal and non-verbal actions to express sympathy. It can be words, gestures or actions.
Why is flirting necessary?
Although the fact that flirting is familiar to mankind for more than one millennium, the attitude in society to such social interaction has always been ambiguous. Modern psychologists are increasingly talking about the benefits of innocent flirting, which can be expressed in:
- The manifestation of sympathy for a particular object can serve as the beginning of contact and the establishment of a more serious and lasting relationship.
- Uplifting mood and self-esteem, especially in women. In some countries, it is considered an absolute norm when men compliment completely unfamiliar ladies on the street without any intention.
- The benefits of flirting for relationships that have already developed are also very high. It is useful for lovers to maintain passion from time to time to be distracted from everyday affairs and everyday routine, more often remembering their behavior and words during the candy-bouquet period.
Signs of flirting
Interested behavior of members of opposite sexes can differ significantly from each other. It depends on the temperament and character of the individual, social norms established in society and other circumstances. Flirting, as communication in modern society, may have the following features:
- An increased interest in a particular object of sympathy, whenever it appears in sight.
- The opposite of the first is another sign — ostentatious indifference, the purpose of which is also to attract the attention of the interlocutor.
- Desire to establish physical contact.
- The concept of what flirting is, certainly includes a playful conversation and the presence of a good mood, laughing at any jokes of the object of adoration.
- Making fun of or blatantly discrediting other men or women who are also showing an interest.
- Small gifts, presents or a desire to invite for lunch / dinner / weekend are possible.
Men are sure that for many of the fair sex, the concept of what flirting is is transmitted at the genetic level. Women are more prone to flirtatiousness and often universally and even unconsciously use their charm charms to attract attention. You can understand that a woman is flirting by the following actions:
- Flirtatious behavior. In the Middle Ages, this could include playing with a fan, while now girls “make eyes”, straighten their hair or clothes, lick their lips, or, for example, bring the frame of their glasses to their mouths.
- Eye contact. The girl constantly tries to keep the person she likes in her field of vision. Although when a cute object draws attention to her, she may smile and look away.
- Excessive emotionalitywhich can manifest itself both in nervousness and excessive laughter and unnaturally high spirits.
- The desire to start a conversation on any, both the most abstract and purely personal topics. Girls often ask the guy they like for help, trying to «awaken the knight in him.»
Men demonstrate interest in somewhat different ways and actions. Many of them also flirt unconsciously, acting because of the game of raging hormones at the sight of the object of sympathy:
- If a man flirts, then almost always he stares intently, rarely looking away from his eyes, even if the object «discovered» his gaze.
- Unnatural emotional arousal, whether it be excessive nervousness and hesitation when talking, or laughter at any phrase and a constant smile on the face.
- Men always instinctively try to approach or sit down to the object of sympathy, at every opportunity to touch: straighten their hair, open the door, hug behind their backs, and so on.
- Excessive talkativeness on any topic.
- The desire to disgrace or put in a bad light their potential rivals, aggressive behavior towards them.
Types of flirting
Scientists have long been exploring love games and their varieties depending on the temperament of partners. They also proved that their future outcome largely depends on the beginning of establishing relationships. That is, how the partners communicated during the meeting can tell a lot about their future strategy for building relationships and, possibly, family life.
After conducting certain studies, psychologists have identified five types of flirting:
- traditional or classic;
- physical or sexual.
One of the most conservative manifestations of sympathy can be considered a classic or traditional love game. Its characteristic features:
- A clear belief about the distribution of roles in a relationship. That is, a man should be a hunter and initiator, and a girl should expect courtship from a partner without active action.
- Men with this type of flirting rarely start conversations with strangers, at first they prefer to get to know their partner better, make friends, and only then show signs of attention.
- Women, in the presence of such beliefs, are not active in dating, which makes it difficult to find a partner. However, they often become wonderful faithful wives.
A more «natural» variety is considered sexual or physical flirting. With this type of interest in the actions of partners, the desire for intimacy is clearly read. Such people easily and quickly fall in love with their appearance, instantly start a relationship with:
- Non-verbal gestures and body position in space. These people always turn their body to the object of adoration, do not take their eyes off him and make unambiguous hints of a sexual nature.
- They often seek physical contact: touch, stroke, straighten clothes or even kiss the object of sympathy.
- They are not verbose and try to express all their secret desires physically rather than verbally.
In a completely different way, introverts or people of “intelligent appearance” can show feelings for a person. They always:
- They have a negative attitude towards the physical manifestations of flirting, considering them vulgar and defiant.
- They are set up for restrained behavior and the manifestation of politeness, and even a certain coldness towards the one they like.
- Those people who know what discreet flirting is, prefer to build serious long-term relationships with the prospect of building a family, rather than stormy novels for a couple of nights.
- It is often more difficult for such characters to make contact than others, because guys or girls may not even guess that they are flirting with them.
Genuine interest and sincere sympathy for a person can be expressed in serious behavior. Often it is characteristic of girls who seek to start an affair only with the aim of starting a family, although guys with this behavior are also not uncommon:
- Such ladies and gentlemen, after the first assessment of a partner, in their thoughts can plan the design of their joint home or come up with names for future children.
- They desire and skillfully create a deep emotional connection and affection, often through common interests and topics of conversation.
- It is often said about such guys and girls that they were great friends at first, and only then the friendship grew into something more serious.
The most impractical type in terms of building further relationships is the playful one. It lies in the fact that each of the parties plays a role to achieve certain goals:
- Girls, like guys, can flirt only in order to increase their own self-esteem or cheer themselves up due to attention.
- Many flirt only to achieve a certain selfish goal — at work to get help in a difficult task or win the execution of a more profitable project.
- What is playful flirting is well known to people who are cold and prudent, but with a high opinion of themselves and their own appearance. Often they remain lonely all their lives, believing that partners are not worthy to be with them.
How to flirt properly?
For many girls, flirtatiousness is a style of communication with guys that they choose unconsciously. They say about such people that they have a natural charm and charm. Others don’t know how to flirt at all. However, this skill is easy to learn for both boys and girls:
- Don’t be afraid to use body language. Girls can skillfully hide their eyes when talking or coquettishly straighten their hair, while men, on the contrary, stand with a straight back and high chin, demonstrating their strength and confidence.
- Start pleasant conversations about the interlocutor, be sincerely interested in his hobbies and listen carefully to the answers to questions.
- A sense of humor can be appropriate in any situation. Laughter and positive emotions always bring together.
- Light play and teasing a partner in moderation has never hurt anyone either.
For shy and timid natures, psychologists have identified the basic rules of flirting, having learned which, many of them will be able to overcome their indecision and achieve success in communication:
- The most important rule that applies to any kind of productive communication is a good mood, or a positive attitude. In a bad mood, even the most correct words will sound harsh and rude, and gestures and body language will give out a negative attitude.
- Never hesitate to take the first step. This advice in modern society applies to both men and girls.
- Confidence in oneself and personal qualities is a very attractive feature that is immediately felt by a partner on an intuitive level. Nobody canceled the work on self-esteem (if there are problems with it) before flirting.
- It is very important to establish eye contact with the interlocutor, because the look and expression of the eyes can say a lot without words to the partner.
- In a conversation with a person who likes it is very important to listen and remember everything that he says. Here you can also apply the technique of active listening, that is, show interest in the words of the object of sympathy.
- Another rule is a sincere smile and enjoyment of the process itself, in which a large number of happiness hormones are released in the body, which have a positive effect on health and appearance.
For those people whose love game is not a natural gift, the following mistakes may occur at the beginning of a relationship:
- Vulgarity instead of subtle play. Excessive manifestations of a sexual nature can scare away not only girls, but also many guys.
- Obsession and assertiveness. A demonstration of sympathy should not immediately turn into total surveillance and control over the actions, words and thoughts of the object of adoration.
- Making excessive demands and immersing yourself in your own fantasies instead of a real assessment of a partner.
- Unnatural and unusual behavior — loud ridiculous laughter for shy girls, for example.