Love addiction is a relationship in which an obsessive emotional fixation of a person on an important other person takes place. Love addiction in psychology is also called co-dependent relationships.
Many people confuse love addiction and love, but they have big differences:
- When people love, they feel good both together and apart. In the case of love addiction, at the beginning of the relationship it is good together, but apart — bad, later both together and apart are bad.
- Love brings positive emotions, most of the time a person feels harmony, confidence, stability. Addiction is negative. A person is overwhelmed by: uncertainty, jealousy, fears, anxiety, internal tension, doubts.
- Love does not negate inner freedom. In love dependence, the mood depends on the actions, look, voice of a loved one.
- In love, both partners are equally involved in a relationship. In love addiction, the relationship is built on the principle of dominance-submission.
- Love is constructive and leads to success. Addiction is destructive, a person’s health, financial situation and work affairs are deteriorating.
- True love creates, love addiction destroys.
Love addiction can develop, with the simultaneous coincidence of such factors:
- the partner is close to the youthful ideal;
- excess sex hormones in the body;
- Man consciously seeks to love and be loved.
Love addiction reasons:
- unpreparedness for a mature relationship;
- one of the causes of love addiction in women is “dislike” in childhood;
- unwillingness or inability to make decisions;
- fear of loneliness;
- fear of being rejected;
- low self-esteem;
- lack of parental warmth or cruel parental control;
- readiness to obey;
- fixation on shortcomings;
- tendency to diminish dignity;
- the presence of another, some kind of dependence;
- lack of a sense of security.
Love addiction — signs
- The main symptom of love addiction is a constant feeling of suffering and pain, even when the loved one is near.
- You constantly remember the object of love, and this is obsessive. Thoughts enter your brain uncontrollably.
- You idealize your partner, have high expectations about him.
- You always find him an excuse so that he does not do it, even when his guilt is undeniable, you yourself feel guilty.
- Because of the constant feeling of guilt, you cannot critically evaluate your relationship.
- You care more about meeting your partner’s needs than your own.
- You are afraid that you are unworthy of your loved one, that he is better than you.
- You are afraid to behave naturally because of the fear that your partner will immediately leave you, because your antics will not be tolerated.
When one of the partners is prone to love addiction, he will definitely find a partner who will also have an addiction, but of the opposite plan — avoidance addiction, it is characterized by the following:
- When you notice that a partner wants to make the relationship closer and more frank, you begin to distance yourself and direct efforts to contain the partner’s pressure in order to prevent rapprochement.
- In a relationship, you are afraid of losing your freedom.
- You think that marriage will ruin everything, that true love can be with some distance between partners.
- You spend much more time on friends, hobbies and your work than on your loved one.
- We are convinced that you are not worth your partner, and he will certainly leave you, so you are afraid to fall in love very much in order to avoid the pain of parting.
People who form couples according to the type of love addiction relationship have similar psychological traits that manifest themselves in different ways. However, both partners have an inherent fear of intimacy and problems with sincere expression of feelings, which makes it difficult to build a healthy relationship.
Recognizing the addiction is the main condition to get rid of it. By learning to distinguish addictive behavior from healthy behavior, you will eventually learn how to build partnerships.