Where does love go?
Since childhood, we all remember fairy tales about great love, where the characters «lived happily ever after.» And of course everyone wants this feeling to arise in his life and never disappear. But, unfortunately, this happens only in fairy tales. And scientists generally say that love lives for three years. But why does love pass and people who were once in love because of the loss of their minds after a while scatter and pass by each other? Let’s try to explain this phenomenon.
How long does love take?
Many phenomena in this world must go through certain stages of development. These include human relationships. The full cycle goes through 5 stages: birth, development, culmination, destruction, death. There are exceptions to this model, but most human relationships of any importance exist and develop according to this law. And if birth symbolizes timidity and uncertain invitations to a date, then destruction means the transition from a constant holiday to everyday routine, and death can even make people strangers. Usually, people whose relationships are in the last phase are immediately visible — they have a joint life, children, a car, a summer house, and together they are more likely out of habit than out of great love.
But why is this happening? Where does our love go?
It’s no secret that the feeling of falling in love is caused by chemical processes. But besides this property, there are also protective mechanisms that nature has invested in us. One of these mechanisms is the process of adaptation — that is, if an irritant or signal from the external environment enters the nerve centers of the brain for a long time, they begin to reduce their sensitivity, and later completely cease to perceive this signal. For example, if you stroke a person’s hand for three minutes, the sensation will begin to dull, and after 15 minutes they will become completely invisible. The same applies to smokers, who over time completely cease to smell the tobacco that comes from them. Adaptation is characteristic not only of the senses, but also of our psyche. In other words, a person gets used to everything. Including relationships. Our love lives in the nerve centers of the brain. And if we perceive this feeling as bliss, boundless happiness, passion and emotions, then for adaptation mechanisms it is a real danger to survival. And no matter how hard you try, it will pass sooner or later. The sages say that love does not die, but simply reborn into another feeling. And it’s good if it’s a warm friendship and tender affection. But it happens that it comes to hatred or complete alienation. To avoid the second scenario, it is important to understand how to determine that love has passed.
How to understand that love has passed?
Most of the mistakes people make in their relationships are due to erroneous substitution. People take for love a slight feeling of falling in love when a person is well, and he is perceived as ideal due to our own illusions. As the relationship develops, the veil begins to fall, and we see a person in his true form, and not in the way we would like to see. Half of the relationship ends already at this stage. Another part continues to grow and develop, getting used to and gradually adapting to the real state of things. But there always remains that part of people for whom relationships turn into torture. And then love begins to die. How to know that love has passed? Everything is quite simple. What do you yourself do when you don’t like the food, the place, or something? You begin to avoid it, try to visit as little as possible where the object you don’t like is located. In principle, you continue to live your life, regardless of this object, but if you suddenly have to be near it, you endure, make an effort on yourself, etc. Agree not to notice such behavior is quite difficult. And this applies to both moments — when you stopped loving yourself, or stopped loving you.
What to do if you notice that love has passed? If you notice the fading of feelings on the part of your partner, you should sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Without emotions and scandals. Be ready to let a person go to all four sides, because you already know that everything depends not on him, but on adaptation mechanisms. If the matter concerns you personally, then you can choose the following options:
- Decide to have a conversation. Explain to the person everything as it is. The longer you delay, the worse you will do to your once loved one.
- Make a personal decision for yourself that there will be no going back. Do not give hope that someday everything will resume
- Do not succumb to persuasion, tantrums, tears and blackmail. Remember that everything in this world is temporary and everything passes.
- Don’t feel sorry for the person you want to part with. Pity makes a person weak. And it’s not that feeling to stay close when there are no feelings anymore.
- At least at first, try not to keep in touch with your former love. This may be perceived as an attempt to return to the past.
Another option concerns the case when you do not want to leave your loved one. In this case, it is worth refreshing your feelings. Perhaps you need to take a break from each other, or go on a trip together. A change of scenery is the best way to strengthen relationships.
We cannot stop a beautiful moment with all our will. However, we are quite capable of extending it. Remember that relationships are, above all, a lot of work. Over yourself and over your loved one. This is a joint overcoming of life’s hardships and difficulties. Love doesn’t die. She is reborn into another no less warm and tender state of affection and friendship. To achieve the emergence of these renewed relationships after a long life together is the main task of all who appreciate their beloved and know where love goes.