Bedtime rituals for a happy couple relationship
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Happy couples are happy together. But how do they maintain their relationship? Why is someone happy only at the beginning of the journey, and someone after years and decades?
The experts know the answer. They listed 12 bedtime rituals that strengthen the feelings of two.
1. Put away your cell phone
Scientists have found that “diving” before bed on social networks and “walking” on the expanses of the Internet suppress the production of the “cuddle hormone” — oxytocin. It is this hormone that is responsible for the emotional attachment of partners to each other, intimacy and satisfaction from love.
Psychotherapist Carol Carey advises putting your phone on silent at 9 p.m. and putting it away. But if you can’t do it due to work or other reasons, at least don’t take your gadget to bed. He is there — «the third wheel».
2. Discuss the good news
Try not to talk about work and other stressful situations before bed. Allow yourself and your partner to relax, spend time together and enjoy it.
Discuss the good things that happened today, make new happy plans. Positive emotions before going to bed bring together, and also improve health and life.
3. Go to bed with a partner
Most couples don’t see each other all day. And even when they come home from work, they have dinner and go to bed at different times. “But happy couples brush their teeth together and go to bed at the same time,” says the psychologist. Kurt Smith.
Rituals before bed together help to keep the relationship warm and close. Many couples drift apart simply because they don’t spend enough time together.
4. Look into each other’s eyes
It is unlikely that you thought that the process of contemplation, when lovers stare into each other’s eyes, is very important for a good relationship. Meanwhile, when partners look into each other’s eyes, a special connection is established between them, misunderstandings and omissions go away.
And scientists have proven that during this, the heartbeat of lovers is synchronized. A few minutes of “peeping” is enough, and you will feel better and you will be able to sleep sweetly.
5. Cook dinner together
You don’t have to be a chef to cook a delicious romantic dinner. And you don’t even need to know how to cook. Many dishes are now sold almost ready to eat, it is enough to boil, stew or fry them. And this must be done together!
Let while one of the partners is engaged in direct cooking, the other sets the table — straightens the corners of a beautiful tablecloth, takes out beautiful dishes, or just sits nearby. This will make the evening pleasant and fill the house with comfort and happiness.
6. Avoid heated arguments
Each new day provides food for thought. On the order of the day is either a coronavirus infection, or the prices of groceries in the store, or something else that does not add mood in any way. But discussing it, much less arguing, is a bad idea. Especially before bed.
Leave heated arguments outside the bedroom door and try to never discuss sensitive topics in bed. Make it a rule: the bed is an “island of happiness”, where only good things happen. Arguing in bed won’t solve the problem, and you may wake up sad and depressed the next morning.
7. Confess your love to your partner
When, if not before going to bed, talk about feelings for each other? Share tenderness and affection, tell that there is no other person in the whole wide world for whom you feel the same?
Psychologist Ryan House suggests taking a few minutes before bed to express your feelings and gratitude. Just tell your loved one why you love him, how you value him and why you can’t imagine life without him.
8. Dance or play sports
There are scientific arguments that dancing and playing sports improve the cognitive functions of the brain. And they also help to avoid extra pounds, keep the body in great shape and help build beautiful roundness for women and clear abs for men. But their positive role does not end there!
Synchronizing your movements with your partner’s body is a great bonding exercise, and it’s also a non-verbal way to communicate. Dance or play sports together to get even closer to each other! Aerobatics — pair yoga for two.
9. Massage each other
Specialists from National Foundation of Sleep they say that a short massage or a long prelude before the most important thing will help you relax as much as possible, relieve the clamps of a tired body and stretch every muscle. And they are incredibly close and strengthen feelings and relationships.
And if for some reason you get tired of the massage, you can prepare a relaxing bath for each other and fill the room with fragrant incense that sets you up for love.
10. Put your kids to sleep in their cribs.
Psychologist Michael Viner-Davies believes that the only time children can sleep with adults in the same bed is when they have nightmares. In any other situation in the couple’s bedroom, the children have nothing to do at night.
On the one hand, it looks like an excessive measure. But on the other hand, the only opportunity for adults to be alone with each other is at night. And this night is very necessary, both for Him and for Her. Therefore, the bedroom must remain a «sacred place» in order to maintain closeness and love between parents.
11. Don’t let pets come to your bed.
Specialists from University of Kansas calculated that 63% of people who sleep in the same bed with their animals report that they do not get enough sleep. Unlike humans, pet cats and dogs cannot sleep continuously through the night. They often wake up, change positions, take short walks around the house and return to bed again.
All this can negatively affect the rest of the owners, as well as create grounds for discontent, embarrass two. Therefore, it is better for pets to spend the night outside the bedroom doors. Or, at least, in it, but on the floor or in a specially equipped place.
12. Kiss and hug each other
Psychologists say that if partners fall asleep together, hugging each other, nothing threatens their relationship.
Therefore, do not forget to kiss your loved one before going to bed, hug him and melt in his arms. It relaxes, relieves anxiety and stress and sets you up for sweet and pleasant dreams. And the morning, thanks to a portion of endorphins, will turn out to be kind and cheerful.
Expert comment
Oksana Vasilyeva, psychologist
It is in the evening that there is time for yourself and your partner, because in the morning you are constantly in a hurry, either on business or at work. So the evening is “our time”, an opportunity to be alone with each other.
Happy couples make the most of this time to keep the romance and intimacy going. One of the most important moments is conversations: remember when you spoke with your partner, shared with him your impressions that happened during the day? Sometimes even a simple phrase, “I really missed the day”, “I love you”, said not casually, but hugging a partner, clinging to him, will give a completely different color to these phrases.
Sometimes it is worth helping your partner, who came home later than you, undress, carry a bag, take off his coat. Kiss hard. Such little things are often overlooked by couples who have been living together for a long time. But it is necessary, on the contrary, to use any opportunities to be together. Make tea together, cook dinner together, eat it together.
Another important point is the simultaneous going to bed. Even if you have different schedules, take a moment to «lull» and «lie down» next to your partner while he falls asleep. Stroke, say nice words. Take care of each other!
Expert comment
Olga Romaniv, psychologist
All happy couples have little secrets of family life that allow them to maintain a warm relationship. Rituals are performed before going to bed and strengthen the union of two loving people.
Spend at least 30 minutes walking together
An evening walk before going to bed is a kind of ritual that strengthens the bond between loved ones in the best way. A park, square, alley, places located near water bodies are suitable for a joint walk.
This will help you escape from the daily hustle and bustle, household chores, everyday problems. You can analyze the events of the past day in a calm atmosphere, focus on upcoming plans. Walking before bed helps relieve stress, activates brain activity. At such moments, the presence of a loved one sets you on a “good wave”.
Do not skimp on the words of love and gratitude to the chosen one
Every day in our lives there are different events, not always pleasant, unfortunately. When a loved one is nearby, we feel support and support, because at such moments we need protection. Finding a way out of a difficult situation is much easier when there is a strong shoulder nearby. Every night before going to bed, tell your chosen one about your feelings — this is very important!
Keep in touch, discuss plans and dream
Couples who have been married for many years gradually reduce communication with their soulmate to a minimum. In the future, relations cool, people move away from each other, misunderstandings arise. This often leads to divorce.
Do not skimp on affection and love
Late-night hugs increase the level of the «love hormone». For a long time, scientists believed that the main function of oxytocin, also referred to as the «attachment hormone», is to establish a close bond between mother and baby. It helps to overcome pain during childbirth.
After recent research, it turned out that the level of the “love hormone” rises during hugs with a loved one, friend, people between whom there is mutual sympathy.
With regular close contact between husband and wife, there are practically no disagreements and quarrels. Oxytocin helps to lower blood pressure, the disappearance of disturbing thoughts, helps in stressful situations. People become more calm and balanced.
Expert comment
Andrey Kashkarov, psychoanalyst, employee of the FBGU “National Medical Research Center named after N.N. Almazov» of the Ministry of Health of Russia
In rituals before going to bed, you need to focus on elements that are pleasant to both. This is the most important condition — mutual consent. To understand and form your own communication traditions, you need communication experience. Invent!
We leave such banalities as candles lit in the dark against the background of flowers and a bucket of chilled champagne or Ribera del Duero wine — as an amateur in the prelude to silk underwear, we leave the Internet. Create your rituals!
joint movement
Physical activity is essential at any age. It accelerates the blood in the vessels. Fresh air helps her. A joint light jog in tracksuits and equipment (weather permitting) in the park or even a simple walk on foot in an area where you don’t often meet passers-by is a good and useful idea.
If the weather permits, and you have attended an evening event from a restaurant to cinema, theater or opera, and maybe even allowed yourself light drinks in moderation during the intermission, do not be too lazy to walk home or part of this way. This hike, yes with hugs, excites desire. Those who love find pleasure in silence, but it will not be redundant to talk about pleasant things: confess to each other how good you are already, so that later it will become even better.
Setting the soul organ in unison
Physical activity promotes physical pleasure. However, there is an equally important accompanying task — setting your desires and relationships for intimacy. It’s clear that you both want it. But preparation may be required individually.
Banality: in order for a woman to calm down, you need to listen to her and understand her feelings sincerely, express admiration — of course it is true. Who is arguing? But for many, the question arises — how exactly to do this. And here the partner can show his best qualities, setting his beloved in the right way and rhythm.
To do this, forget about everything, literally everything, turn off your mobile phones, and think about … her. What would she like, how would she like. Take the theme of her dreams. Her extraordinary, unique qualities. Just speak sincerely, a lie is easily recognized almost always. The same works in the opposite direction — from a woman to a man. Men are not Pithecanthropes. If you show him how you appreciate and understand him, he will move mountains for you, even if he works as a seller of mining equipment.
Introduce an element of novelty
Try not to repeat yourself in rituals. You can always optionally introduce a new element into the program. If yesterday evening continued with lit candles, make today completely dark by taking a portable flashlight for yourself and giving out to your beloved.
If yesterday you were at the table with a tie and a threesome (which is inconvenient in itself), today put on a vest and (or) fasten a red cross sanitary sign on your sleeve. You can complement your new image with a «bandage» on one eye, like Kutuzov’s. All this is alphabet. For these relatively simple things, you do not need to do anything special, and you can buy simple accessories inexpensively.
A few words about gastronomic pleasure and not only
I do not recommend not only to fill up, but even eat before evening activity. Everything should be in moderation, as desired. But to take care of the evening dinner is necessary. It is desirable that he also be amazing, relative to yesterday.
Think about joint plans, but not about work. Give thanks for this evening, so happy for both of you. And don’t be afraid of anything. And preferably no one. There can be no condemnation for what pleases both. What happens in the bedroom and in the prelude to it is only your business, which also follows from the conclusions of the masters of psychology — Z. Freud and, in general, Lacan’s psychoanalysis.
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