In a difficult period of manifestations of teenage maximalism in the relationship between children and parents, all previously accumulated conflicts, understatements and mistrust come to light. Therefore, if relationships in the family were difficult before, now it will take maximum patience, understanding and trust in order to build a real strong and solid foundation for the relationship between parents and children.

Psychology of family relations in the transitional period of a child’s life

Children have grown up to a difficult adolescence and adults are at a loss, not understanding how to restore normal relations in the family. From whichever side you approach your beloved child, it is as if you come across a stone wall. They are either indignant and rude, then, locking the door, they do not want to see anyone. The basis of attitudes towards life is characterized as a «complete nightmare» or «super class», love or hate …

What is the psychology of teenage maximalism and how to build relationships with teenagers — no longer children, but far from adults?

This period is difficult, first of all, for mom and dad, because they have a lot of responsibilities in their relationship with the child, which call for patience and trust.

In essence, adolescence is a time of disagreement and struggle of conflicting feelings. And these battles take place in the child himself. He really wants to have the freedom of an adult and independently make decisions with whom to build relationships and what to do. But the same child expects that if failure overtakes him, then an adult will come and solve the problems. And he will still live carefree for a long time. Therefore, dreaming of living the way he likes, freed from the guardianship of his parents, but fearing failure and wanting to hide in a secluded corner, the child is not able to find his place. Here the maximalism of teenagers is manifested. They either act boldly and sometimes, from the point of view of adults, thoughtlessly, or they behave like little children, not wanting to be responsible for their actions. And the main thing is that only when they find themselves in such contrasting situations and feel them, the teenager will understand where the “golden mean” is and will be able to feel like an adult. And competent parents will be able to help children do this without harm to health.

At this time, it is desirable to criticize the child less, discuss his achievements and positive qualities more, and also maintain a constant dialogue, wondering if he needs advice or if he can handle it on his own.

The basis of relationships is the provision of personal space

Transitional age is a period of idealization and depreciation, success and gaining authority among peers. Children at this age recognize only what is beautiful, prestigious and recognized in society. They begin to be interested in the financial viability of their family and the prestige of the educational institution where they study or are going to study. The task of adults is to help them separate the valuable and the fake. Parents should understand that during this period the child needs more freedom and provide him with the necessary personal space. First of all, you should realize that the time has come for change, which means it’s time to change your relationships in the family. If before that the basis of relationships for a teenager was built on the authority of parents, who must be obeyed unquestioningly, now other times have come. A teenager demands recognition and respect as a separate person with his own point of view. This is perhaps the most difficult step in a relationship for parents to take. They are so worried about their children that they unconsciously do not allow them to get their life experience.

Giving children more freedom, parents intuitively worry that their beloved child, due to inexperience, will not commit stupid acts. This feeling is normal, because they really weaken control and this feeling needs to be put up with somehow. You can tell the child about your experiences, this will only add to him the confidence that he is loved.

But it happens that the level of such anxiety is too high and the only way to cope with it is to exercise complete control over all the actions of the child. This means: demanding constant reports from him, where and with whom he spends his time, walking with him or forcing him to spend all the time next to his family, and not with his peers. Such control, most likely, satisfies the psychological needs of the parents themselves, but not the child. With such a development of relationships, a teenager can become a person who is not able to independently manage his life.

Mental Health: Balancing Parental Involvement in Relationships with Children

If a child perceives everything in black and white, it is worth allowing him to stay in this world, respecting his feelings. The main thing here is to refuse explanations like: «You will not understand this.» And even if parents clearly see the solution to the psychological problem of their child, there is no need to belittle the significance of his personal path, because it is largely thanks to him that children grow up. In the relationship of this period of life, it is important for parents to feel the balance of their intervention and non-interference in the life of the child. If adults interfere too much, they risk losing the trust of children, and if they do not take part in his life at all, then the child may feel lonely and abandoned.

At a transitional age, more than ever, psychological support is important. If it is noticeable that the child somehow does not feel well, walks gloomy or, on the contrary, is aggressive and quick-tempered, if he has problems in learning and in communication, it is recommended to offer him special trust courses or psychotherapeutic groups. In such classes, teenagers can open up all their experiences, share personal problems and stories, and receive psychological support without fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed.

Coping with a period of teenage maximalism is not easy, but overcoming it with dignity, you can establish a warmer and more trusting relationship with your children.