How to change internally

Make a list and description of situations in which you feel you need to behave differently. Describe how you feel in each of these situations: anxiety, fear, shame, etc. Look at the situations on the list and try to answer the question of what they have in common. Perhaps in all these situations there are strangers, authority figures, etc.

Ask yourself which situation on the list is the most undesirable for you, and which, on the contrary, is the simplest. Now you can describe a situation where, for example, you lack self-confidence as follows: «I feel certain emotions (what), if (condition)». Example: «I feel stressed when I have to speak in front of a large audience of people.» So, clearly stating the problem is an important step.

Now that you know under what circumstances you need to feel different, start working on it. To begin with, confident people tend not to experience anxiety, as well as other similar feelings. It occurs precisely when we are insecure about something. Then we start asking questions: “What if I’m wrong? What if they laugh at me? What if I lose my job?» Often one of those «ifs» will lead to all the others, and there will be many questions, to which you answer with one answer: «It will be terrible.» The first step is to find all those «ifs».

Answer your questions “What to do if…”. Only not in a fantastic, but in a real way. It can really happen in life that you don’t know what to say at a party. But the answer should be: «Nothing terrible will happen, I can always ask other people what they think about something and listen to other opinions.» You must understand that what you see as something terrible, in fact, is not.