How to Increase Intimate Desire and Attraction: 9 Proven Ways from the Experts
Everyone can be good in bed, you just have to want it! To begin with, tune in to love games, then increase your sexual desire, and … an orgasm will not take long! All about sex, or 9 ways to tune in to sex — MedAboutMe presents.
1. Ask your partner out on a date
At a young age, when the level of hormones in the blood just rolls over, any setting seems romantic, whether it’s a bench on the beach or a hotel room overlooking the ocean. The older we get, the more comfort we need. Therefore, many lovers prefer to have sex at home, in the most convenient conditions for themselves. Over time, lovemaking on the marital bed becomes boring, and boredom confidently enters life.
Change the scenery, invite your partner on a date! If you have feelings for a partner and they are mutual, it will not be difficult to kindle a flame of passion from a spark. It is enough to plan relaxing activities — going to the movies or dinner at a restaurant, and only then enjoy the intimacy. A change of scenery and a good rest will certainly do the trick. And in the future, you can purposefully plan «sexual marathons.»
Scientists have calculated: men think about sex or what is connected with it — on average every 8 minutes.
2. Be careful with alcoholic drinks
A cozy cafe, live music, the person of your dreams with you at the table… What could be better than pleasant conversations and sweet compliments, backed up by the exquisite taste of good champagne or wine. And, nevertheless, Aesculapius do not recommend to lean on alcohol, because it is a kind of depressant. It is worth exceeding the allowable dosage, and instead of a «playful mood» you will get the exact opposite result. Sexual attraction will fade away and the only desire will be to find yourself «in the arms of Morpheus.»
Control the amount you drink. For complete relaxation and self-confidence, 1-2 glasses of wine are enough. When leaving a sparkling drink in a bottle, remember that more pleasant things are waiting for you.
3. Try Natural Aphrodisiacs
And although there is no scientific evidence to say that some products increase libido, many people successfully use them to achieve what they want. If you want to turn up the heat, try popular aphrodisiacs like oysters, chocolate, watermelon, cauliflower, rye bread, celery, or sweet potato.
Do not think that a head of cauliflower, eaten before a date, will act on you like Viagra. Natural aphrodisiacs are not very effective. If you want them to work well, choose for yourself those that personally make you sexually attracted. If eating oysters seems spicy and exciting to you, these can really help you.
Chocolate cream, whipped cream and ice cream are the three favorite foods of 30% of women. They all dream of having these foods licked off their bodies.
4. Check Your Hormones
Hormones have a direct impact on all processes occurring in the body. Among other things, they also regulate sexual desire. If you don’t want to have sex with your partner for no apparent reason, see your doctor.
By making an appointment with a specialized specialist, and voicing the problem, you can fix it in a short time. An endocrinologist will study the hormonal background and tell you how to return the fading passion. You may have to drink special drugs or, on the contrary, cancel OK, which reduce sexual desire.
5. Learn to relieve stress
Triplets in the semester with your beloved child, difficulties at work and a quarrel with neighbors in the country can affect your well-being and desire much more than you think. It is quite difficult to resist the ups and downs of life, but everyone can learn not to take them to heart and relieve stress in time.
First of all, remember that any stress provokes increased production of the hormone cortisol in the blood. The «stress hormone» has a characteristic side effect — it reduces libido. So that a stressful situation does not upset your plans and does not deprive you of the right to love joys, determine for yourself those activities that quickly relieve stress and improve your mood. For example, a walk in the fresh air, reading romance novels, yoga classes or preparing a festive dinner. Lots of good options!
In the recent past, in 75% of cases, the initiators of sex were men. Now morals have changed! Almost 40% of meetings end with sexual games initiated by women.
6. Quit smoking!
If you want to maintain an active intimate life until old age, be sure to quit smoking. Firstly, this addiction is harmful to health, and in fact it is an important condition for sexual desire. Secondly, the substances contained in cigarette smoke constrict blood vessels, thereby reducing blood flow to the genitals. But good blood circulation is necessary for an erection!
Answer yourself honestly the question — are you ready to give up addiction and get a well-deserved prize — better health, increased sexual desire and more pleasure? If yes, get to work! Reduce the number of cigarettes you smoke per day and welcome the new day with a sun salutation, not a new cigarette.
7. Love sports
Banal?! Maybe! But it is regular physical activity that improves blood circulation, guaranteeing the flow of blood to the genitals, increases a person’s endurance and sexual desire in general. By exercising regularly, you will see that you have become more active in bed, your body perceives caresses and gentle touches more sharply, and you yourself are more flexible and can take positions that were previously unattainable for you.
Choose the sport you like. Classes for pleasure will give faster results and will bring not only the joy of achieving goals, but also love victories.
Most lovers use 2-5 positions during intimacy, the most common of which are the missionary position and the woman on top. And only 5 percent of lovers go further — for them, even 20 positions is not the limit!
8. Try a massage
If you are worried and tense, it is certainly more difficult for a loved one to excite you, and libido naturally decreases. But still — there is a good way to be guaranteed to relax and then have fun. Ask your partner to give you a light massage, gradually developing into sensual caresses and exploring the hidden corners of your body.
Try to get away from current affairs, and tune in to a real spa ritual. Turn on soothing music, prepare a jar of massage oil or cream, and plunge into the world of pleasure! The sliding movements of the fingers of a loved one will find «points of contact» with your libido, and bring you to orgasm.
9. Introduce notes of novelty into intimacy
Routine is the main enemy of sexual desire. In order not to be defeated by her, constantly try something new in bed. You don’t have to buy sex toys, practice role play or anything like that. Start with the simplest — a frank story about your desires.
During foreplay, tell your partner how you see perfect sex. What touches excite you, what turns you on, what words caress the ear. Do not be afraid to fantasize, describe everything vividly and without a gram of embarrassment. Guide your partner’s hands and caress yourself.
Orgasm has a beneficial effect on the cardiovascular system, improves the overall tone of the body, increases skin firmness and elasticity, and in women, it also makes menstruation less painful.
Every patient who comes to me with a sexual problem confirms the well-known fact that all sex is in our heads. This also applies to the loss of libido. The causes of this symptom are mostly located, so to speak, in the «psychological register».
These may include her intrapersonal problems (low self-esteem, strong dependence on a partner, inability to relax, jealousy, etc.) and relationship problems with a partner (frequent quarrels, short foreplay, his unwillingness to take into account her wishes, betrayal, etc. .). It is impossible not to take into account among the causes and features of the sexual constitution of a woman. Those. for a certain part of women, the lack of attraction is practically the norm.
Often a decrease in sexual desire is an indicator (symptom) of dysfunctional relationships in a couple or masked depression. If this condition lasts more than 2 months, then it is clearly necessary to contact a specialist. A short-term lack of libido can periodically occur in 50% of women. In this case, rest or, conversely, physical activity will already do their job. I do not undertake to consider now the hormonal or physical causes of the decrease in sexual desire.
Moreover, these problems, clinging to one another, can create a vicious circle. She understands that her refusal to her husband (boyfriend) can also increase the psychological distance between them. Here, an additional feeling of guilt, fear, insecurity, up to and including depression, “piles up” on her. Although depression itself, even minor, can also cause reluctance to have sex, however, as well as anxiety.
Separately, I want to say about the combination of alibidemia (reduced libido) and anorgasmia (lack of orgasm), i.e. lack of sexual desire can be both a consequence and a cause of anorgasmia.
Appeal to women: if your partner is dear to you, then show him this in this difficult period in ways available to you.
Appeal to men: remember the tenderness and subtlety of the origin of the phenomenon of female attraction! You can, with your emotional intimacy with your partner, both strengthen it and affect it negatively.
Address to couples: discuss everything, speak out, do not become isolated, so as not to accumulate and “storage” suppressed emotions that can lead to cooling. Don’t let lack of attraction ruin your relationship! It’s curable!
Mikhail Dubovskov, independent expert in the field of sexual relations, author of books on sexology
Two eternal questions — is there life after death, and is there sex after marriage. It is generally accepted that everyday life, a habit, does not have the most favorable effect on marital sex. Well, unsatisfactory sexual relations inevitably destroy the family. Therefore, questions arise — how to reanimate marital sexual relations. But even the most correct and good advice can have the following consequences:
A woman complains to her friend:
— My husband is not at all interested in me as a woman!
— And you try to put on some sexy black lingerie.
— I already did that!
— And it didn’t help?
He pushed the newspaper aside and asked: “Who died?!”.
Therefore, here we do not need practical advice, but we need to know the principles on the basis of which a person will look for something that will help him. So, knowledge of what principles in marital sexual relations is necessary so that they do not turn into a routine?
Partners must be able to excite each other. Sexual desire does not occur in both partners at the same time. The one in whom it arose first must, by some means, evoke a response desire in the second.
Everyone has their own triggers. If you want to seduce your partner, you must offer him something that excites him.
Everyone has their own range of sexual acceptability. That is, for everyone there is a framework for normal and abnormal sex. The narrower your range, the less chance of mutual understanding.
You need to be able to treat sex like a game. There are no problems in games. They are designed to take a break from business and problems. If you can learn to treat sex as a game of adults, then you will remove the very soil for sexual problems.
You need to be able to predict the partner’s reaction to your initiative. Therefore, you need to know the sexual characteristics of your partner well. Another question — are you ready to accept them?
Sexual fantasies are a ready-made scenario for your sexual games. But can you share them with each other? Indeed, in these fantasies, as a rule, the partner does not appear.
In order to make the most of the entire arsenal of sexual techniques available to you, you must have maximum trust in each other so that there is no fear — what will he think, how he will react and what he will say on this or that occasion. If a partner does not make contact with you, does not want to discuss your sexual relationship, then he simply does not trust you. He is afraid to be honest with you.
Unfortunately, the scope of our conversation does not allow us to reveal these principles in more detail. But each of them deserves a separate and serious discussion.