We are forced to interact with other people all our lives. For some it comes easy, for others not so much. About some they say «shirt-guy», but about someone «beech». However, knowledge of the psychology of communication and interpersonal relationships can make life much easier and turn a “buku” into a “guy shirt”. After all, it is not in vain that they say — do not have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends.

Forms of communication and interpersonal relationships

In psychology, there are three forms of interaction between people:

• Verbal. This is the most common form. It is used by everyone who uses oral speech for communication.
• Non-verbal. Communication through gestures and glances.
• Affective. Emotions are used as a means of communication.

When speaking, all three forms of communication can be used. But their development follows a certain order: from the affective form to the verbal one.

The baby communicates with parents only through emotions. He does not yet know sign language and tells his parents about his problems by crying or screaming. And delight expresses with the help of smiles and laughter.

Then the baby begins to connect gestures. He can already show the problem, but he still does not know how to speak. Well, a little grown up child begins to connect speech to communication with parents.

The benefits of good communication

The ability to speak does not mean the ability to communicate. If a person talks a lot for himself, about himself, then this quickly tires the interlocutor. Nobody likes chatterboxes.

Communication is the interaction between two or more people. And it requires the ability to hear, understand and captivate.

Sociable people often achieve success in life. And this is not an accident. By acquiring the skills of proper communication with other people, you will gain new opportunities:

• Get new acquaintances. An interesting person always attracts attention.
• Learn a lot. Each person has some information that is unknown to you. In the process of communication, you replenish your piggy bank of knowledge.
• Perhaps you will become famous. «Word of mouth» radio will tell about an interesting personality.
• There is a chance that communication with a professional will lead to a good idea.
• Your opinion will be respected and listened to.
• Communication is a constant development. The ability to express one’s thoughts, memorizing new information leads to an increase in the capabilities of the intellect.

The ability to communicate does not come by itself. This is a skill that can be developed.

How to Improve Communication Skills

All skills must be developed. Even if you are afraid to say an extra word in the company, do not despair.

You can find your own convenient way of development by observing the reaction of the interlocutor. Pay attention to your problems in the conversation. Common causes of fear of communication can be low self-esteem or speech defects.

The first reason is solved with the help of a psychologist or trainings, the second with the help of a speech therapist or speech coach.

Well, in order for the speech to become smooth, understandable and exciting, you should remove unnecessary pauses and words from it. To do this, you need to practice a little.

• Practice your speaking regularly. It can be a retelling, or a conversation with a chair. Extra words — down! Find an audience that is used to intelligent speech.
• Hold your breath as soon as the unnecessary word is ready to come off the tongue. At this point, find the continuation of the phrase. It may not work the first time, but that’s what training is for. Better your speech at first will be with pauses than filled with words: um, in short, um, etc.
• Control yourself. Tell any story and record it on a voice recorder. Listen and count the parasitic words. Pay attention to whether the essence of the story is conveyed, whether it will be understood by the listeners.
• Take a break. Your speech should reach the mind of the interlocutor. If there are no pauses, the listener’s brain will overflow. The pause should be appropriate and not too long, for example at the end of a logical block.
• Drop the excitement. This is what often causes parasitic words. While talking, take a breath and try to calm down.

In getting rid of unnecessary words, constant self-control will help. And no matter who is nearby — colleagues, clients or friends.

The ability to communicate can open up new possibilities. But it should be remembered that people are happy to communicate with tactful, open, optimistic and interesting people. Therefore, the main secret of proper communication is constant self-development and a positive attitude.

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