How to learn to forgive
Doctors say that the ability to forgive for health can be a useful skill. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to do this. This is due to a person’s feeling of himself as a person who does not allow anyone to inflict mental pain on himself. Therefore, more often people respond to an insult with an even greater insult. After all, in order to learn to forgive, you need to try on the skin of a person who repents, but cannot break through the wall of resentment and alienation in order to receive forgiveness. And forgiveness is necessary, especially those close to you.
Prepare yourself for the fact that you are unlikely to be able to change insult to forgiveness on the go. The first and at the same time the most difficult step towards forgiveness is the refusal to focus on your experiences and feelings. In other words, think less of yourself.
This can be done, for example, by trying to switch the course of your thoughts in a different direction. When resentment and anger take hold of you, just tell yourself “stop” and think of something pleasant. Particularly helpful in some cases are attempts to imagine pleasant moments of life in which a person who offended you was next to you. If it doesn’t work out, say some kind of tongue twister to yourself, a children’s song, a counting rhyme, or something like that. Every time you suppress your negative emotions, mentally congratulate yourself, in general, support your mood morally.
It also helps to forgive a person by remembering cases in which you yourself were the offender. Remember how you felt then. Now you can imagine the state of your repentant offender now. Look at the situation more broadly. This will help you quickly turn your anger into mercy.
Here are some more ways to help suppress negativity and deal with your resentment and resentment:
Try to «train» on people you don’t know. If you were roughly cut off on the road, deliberately cheated, or climbed ahead of you in line, inhale slowly and as deeply as possible, try to consciously suppress feelings of anger and resentment in yourself —
Start every morning with a mental attitude: “No one owes me anything, but I am indebted to the whole world for all the good things that happened to me and will happen” —
If you don’t know how to forgive “permanently”, try to forgive a person for at least one minute. The next day, forgive for two or three minutes. Increase time gradually
Forgive yourself. When you learn to accept yourself as you are, with all your advantages and disadvantages, you will become more tolerant of others.
Tip 2: How to learn to trust after cheating
Resentment, pain, anger, bitterness … There are no words that can fully convey all the feelings that you experience after the betrayal and betrayal of a loved one. But this situation is not as dead-end as it might seem at first glance. If you approach her from the right side, then you can learn to live with your husband even after his betrayal.
You will need
- — cold head
- — sober thoughts
- — a little patience and understanding
Let go of all unnecessary emotions first.
Further, already with a “cold” head, answer the following question: “Are you one hundred percent sure that there was betrayal?” A positive answer can be given only when it was noticed by you directly «at the crime scene.»
If you only suspect about treason, then it is better to directly ask your husband about it than to suffer from the unknown and eat yourself from the inside.
If it turned out that there was betrayal, then you need to act according to the situation: find out the reason for his betrayal.
If he gives unconvincing arguments like “it just happened,” you should not agree with this. It is necessary to find out the true causes of treason. Both of you must understand their full importance.
If the husband sincerely repents of his deed, then you should not chop off all your relationships at the root and go to extreme measures.
It is also necessary, after finding out all the reasons and reasons, to answer for yourself honestly and frankly: “Do you still love him? Will you be able to trust him, as before, after what happened? The answers to these questions are very important, because all strong relationships are based on trust. Do not rush to conclusions, carefully weigh all the pros and cons.
Remember that if you still forgave your husband, then this is only your conscious decision. And so that your further relationship does not give a crack, no matter how difficult it is for you, you need to learn to trust your loved one again. Otherwise, under the yoke of your suspicion and alertness, the husband will feel like a prisoner. And such a state can rather quickly bother him, and he will simply leave you forever.
Pull yourself together and stop making yourself a victim. So you will not only significantly increase your self-esteem, but also “grow up” in his eyes. Don’t blame anyone. Swearing and hitting dishes is a fundamentally wrong decision. After such scandals, husbands, in general, leave forever.
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