How to talk to a child about sex: instructions from a psychotherapist
The topic of sex is far from simple, even when the conversation is between adults. The situation becomes much more complicated if it is necessary to talk about sex with a child. Veronika Sysoeva, a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences, explains how to do it competently.
Decide on age
Everything is individual here — it depends on the pace of the child’s intellectual development and the manifestation of interest in his body and the opposite sex. Usually, children begin to take an interest in their body quite early — at the age of three.. It is from this moment that we already begin children’s lessons in biology. Please note that there are special books with bright visual pictures, but, of course, this is the next step after learning the basics about various objects and animals.
Getting ready to talk gradually
Be sure to do eyeliners. It is important to understand that you can prepare the ground for a serious conversation now, but it will not take place until a few days, months, or even years from now. We always start with the physiological characteristics of the body: the structure of the body as a whole, what organs we have inside; note that we are made of water and cells; we talk about a healthy lifestyle — what is harmful and what is good to eat and why. It is important to explain to children what actions are good for health, why go in for sports and gymnastics. Be sure to show illustrative examples in a photo or video of what results people get by doing a certain sport, and what happens if they do not play sports at all.
psychiatrist, psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences
You should not wait until puberty before telling your child about its specifics. What changes occur at this age and how to cope with them, children should know in advance — one to two years in advance. At the moment when this period has come, we simply remind teenagers of the information that they already know, set the depth and scale that are relevant precisely in the transitional age.
Talk to children the same way you would to adults
Your kids are old enough to stop talking to them the way you talk to toddlers. It is much more effective to call a spade a spade and talk on an equal footing. At three years old, a child is already a full-fledged person. Treat accordingly. Children will be much closer to you, more frank in conversations and will begin to respect you for your courage and mutual understanding.
Everything hidden becomes clear. And if you lie, sooner or later your children will learn about it from others, and trust in you will be lost.. You will feel how the child moves away, stops sharing what is happening to him. Parents turn into an unreliable object, from which it is necessary to protect and fence off. Your task is to build relationships in such a way that the children know that you will always understand and support them.
Read the literature of child psychologists
They describe and teach how best to bring the topic of sex into conversation with children and adolescents. You will understand in which direction to move and how to competently build a conversation. Watch sex education movies recommended by educators for different age groups and professionally designed specifically for children and adolescents.
Watch your reactions
Pay attention to how you react in the presence of children, when in films, series or programs, men and women hug each other, kiss, have sex. You should not react as if love is under a strict ban, as if it is something bad. By such behavior, you form a block in the child for harmonious relationships at the subconscious level — and in adulthood, your children will have difficulty finding their mate and building a family.
Pdeal with childhood trauma
They create discomfort when you talk about sex with both children and adults. Not all adults have an understanding that sex is good, not bad. This is about maximum intimacy, warm feelings and love between people. Releasing fears and blocks will help you get rid of internal restrictions and improve your results in all areas of life. It is important to start with yourself in order to be ready and be able to correctly convey information to children.
Contact the experts
If you are not ready to talk about sex with children, arrange a meeting with a child psychologist-sexologist for your child. The specialist will really be able to explain to the child what cannot be told to you. But be sure to inform your children in a professional and timely manner.