We are all not without sin: why it is dangerous to idealize a partner
Is it dangerous to idealize someone? Highly! Why? The fact is that idealization is a huge screen behind which we can not see the true essence of a person. No one says that behind this screen there may be a bad person, although this happens. Idealization does not allow you to look soberly at actions and deeds.
If you grew up on the wonderful cartoons from the Disney studio, you might have noticed that there are no ordinary characters, there are either excessively good or extremely evil. But we are not in a cartoon — we are in life, where there are real people who get angry, cry, rejoice, do wrong things, reproach themselves for it or do not realize responsibility for them. The truth is always somewhere in the middle. If you think your partner is perfect, you don’t seem to know him at all.
Why there are no perfect people
Probably, only robots can be ideal, and we are ordinary people with our own problems and desires. And we can’t always be in a great mood.
When we start a relationship, we try to show our best side. But then we get used to the partner, relax a little and demonstrate our shortcomings. And this is absolutely normal. But if you still see your partner as a prince or princess from a cartoon, then you should think — is he really like that?
Idealization does not allow you to see the true face of a person. Even if your partner is not bad, he still may not be suitable for you to build a serious relationship.. But you will know about it only when your “rose-colored glasses” break with a bang on the first misunderstandings and conflict situations.
The danger of idealization
Idealization is also very dangerous because creates the illusion of a happy relationship. Behind it, you may not understand whether the partner is prone to physical or emotional violence. It will seem to you that he was just tired or not in the mood, so he broke down, but in fact this is his normal state (to be dissatisfied, to make complaints, to be angry at the world around him).
Thanks to the idealization you do not realize that the partner can be lazy, rude, incompetent in some matters.
I don’t advise you to notice every time that your husband or wife’s hands are not growing out of their shoulders, to be rude and reproachful — this will only ruin your relationship. But you need to understand that idealization is overestimated expectations from a person, which then lead to disappointment. Your significant other will simply not be able to relax under pressure and will try to keep this bar every time. Is this even possible? No. Because we are living people.
Taking a sober look at a relationship that seemed perfect to you, but in fact was not, can hurt you painfully.. You will begin to think that something is wrong with you: they do not appreciate, offend, do not hear, but you deserve a better attitude towards yourself.
And by the way, try not to idealize yourself, but take it adequately. remember, that harmonious relationship is the work of two peoplewhere everyone makes their own contribution.